Tuesday, January 29, 2013

night sweats, lesson learned

Do you every have days when you've had enough of Diabetes?  When you just want to throw in the towel and say "I'm done.  I've had enough of this stupid disease"?

Of course you have.  We all have!  Well this seems to be my week for this. And it's only Tuesday!!

Highs, lows, more highs.  Mostly highs.  All this started Saturday.  It was time for a site change.  Although my BG's were holding fairly steady (no last day rises), I was down to 0 units left.  Literally ->

I decided to make this a free shower day.  Heaven!

New site went in no problems.  Off we went to have breakfast and watch our grandson play hockey.  About halfway through the game, the site started to burn.  Nothing too much, just a niggle.  I checked my BG and it was a little high.  I did a correction bolus and continued to watch hockey.  After the game, at home, I checked the site.  It looked fine.  Another BG proved that something wasn't right.  Still high (higher than before the correction).  I decided to pull the site and find a new spot.  

We had another hockey game at noon.  Hubby dearest bought me some french fries for lunch (mmmm good old arena fries!), I bolused accordingly (well as close as I could figure), and continued to watch hockey.   

After the game, I checked my BG before driving to work.  A little higher than I would have liked, but due to the fries, I wasn't too worried.  Ping did not advise a bolus as I still had insulin on board.  Good to go.

All afternoon I was feeling off.  I checked my BG's numerous times throughout my shift at work.  A little high, correct.  Re-check.  Higher.  Correct again.

Finally my shift is over and I go home.  I'm starting to feel ill.  Check ketones.  Thankfully none.  Decide to pull site again, and start over.  New bottle of insulin and everything.  I'm getting hungry but want to wait till the numbers start to drop before I eat anything. 

I sit down to begin my newest hobby.  Knitting.  I am knitting a scarf.  One of those frilly ones.  Easy peasy!!  

After a couple of hours  I checked those nasty BG's again and finally they were right where I wanted them.  Time to eat.  I choose a low carb dinner of salad, and french onion soup.  Things have levelled out and stay steady.  

Sunday comes and goes with just a few fluctuations.  Nothing too drastic.  
I decide to have some popcorn while watching TV in the evening.  Not alot, just one of Orville Redenbachers bag/bowl thingys.        


Monday morning.  Alarm goes off.  Eyes feel glued shut.  I hate this.  I know exactly whats up.  BG almost 20(thats over 300)!!  Here we go again.  This time I know for a fact that me and popcorn do not get along.  Correction bolus coming right up.

The rest of the day goes along swell.  It's Monday so that means I have to be at work for 5pm.  After having Aubrey all day, and picking up Cam from school, I need to eat quick and have them ready to go home.  Their dad is running late.  No problem.  

I arrive home at 10:30.  I want to relax and watch some TV.  I am feeling a little peckish but am staying away from popcorn.  Tonight is some crackers and a pear.  BG's are great.  I quickly bolus and settle in for mindless television and bed.

I am awoken by my husband at about 4:30am.  I am drenched in sweat and he is shaking me and telling me I am low.  There are times in the past when I would have argued with him, but I have grown so much in the last year or so.  I no longer argue, I just reach over and pluck the glucose tabs off the side table and start munching in my sleep.  He asks me if I'm going to test and I answer with a "no...too tired...I'll just eat these...it'll be good"  I eat 5 of them, as promptly fall back to sleep.

At about 7am I wake up.  Feeling a little sluggish, but not bad.  I get up and head downstairs.  Knowing my munchkins will be arriving in about 45 minutes, I start the coffee, down my pills and do my bloodtest.  3.9mmol

I wonder what my numbers would have been at 4:30 if I had tested.  

Lesson learned --- no matter what time it is, or how tired I am  TEST TEST TEST!!





Tuesday, January 22, 2013

my pledge

we are just over 2/3 of the way through January.  

i haven't written a post looking back over the past year.  i also haven't written a post with my "new year resolutions".

i used to make "resolutions" every New Years Eve.  looking back, i can't think of a single one of the many i've made, that i've kept. 

apparently i am not good at keeping promises to myself.  at least not those made on December 31st.

so i waited until January 20th.  

i had high hopes that this year would be different.  i told myself that i would make a (fill in the blank) to myself.  i wasn't calling it a resolution because i fully believed that was part of the reason for my previous failures.  

so after searching "Resolution" in an online thesaurus,  these were my choices (and you don't have to read them all): 

Moby Thesaurus
Synonyms and related words:
Z, abandon, ablation, about-face, accommodation, accomplishment, accuracy, act, action, acutance, adaptation, adjustment, aim, alchemy, ambition, anacrusis, analysis, analyzation, anatomizing, anatomy, animus, answer, answering, apodosis, appetence, appetency, appetite, application, ardency, ardor, arrangement, ascertainment, aspiration, assay, assaying, assiduity, assiduousness, assimilation, assumption, atomization, award, bass passage, becoming, biodegradability, biodegradation, blocking, boldness, bourdon, breakdown, breaking down, breaking up, breakup, bridge, bulldog courage, bulldog tenacity, burden, cadence, catastrophe, ceasing, cessation, change, change-over, changelessness, choice, chorus, clearing up, coda, command, commitment, committedness, composition of differences, compromise, conation, conatus, concentration, conclusion, concurrent resolution, condemnation, consideration, constancy, constitution, consummation, conversion, corrosion, corruption, counsel, crack of doom, cracking, crumbling, culmination, curtain, curtains, dauntlessness, death, decay, decease, decidedness, decipherment, decision, decoding, decomposition, decree, dedication, degradability, degradation, deliberateness, deliberation, deliverance, denouement, desideration, desideratum, design, desire, destination, destiny, detailing, determination, development, devotedness, devotion, devoutness, diaeresis, diagnosis, dictum, dilapidation, diligence, discretion, discrimination, disentanglement, disintegration, disjunction, disorganization, disposition, dissection, dissolution, division, docimasy, dogged perseverance, doggedness, doom, earnestness, effect, effort, enaction, enactment, end, end point, end result, endeavor, ending, endurance, engrossment, enumeration, envoi, epilogue, erosion, eschatology, exactitude, exactness, exertion, expiration, explanation, explication, exposition, faith, faithfulness, fancy, fate, fervency, fervidness, fervor, fidelity, figure, final solution, final twitch, final words, finale, finality, finding, finding-out, fineness, finis, finish, fire, firmness, fixed purpose, fixedness, flip-flop, folderol, fortitude, free choice, free will, function, gameness, gaminess, goal, gravimetric analysis, grittiness, growth, hardihood, hardiness, harmonic close, harmonization, heartiness, heat, heatedness, idea, immutability, impassionedness, improper suggestion, inclination, incoherence, indecent proposal, indefatigability, industriousness, industry, inflexibility, insistence, insistency, instance, instrumentation, intendment, intensity, intent, intention, intentness, interlude, intermezzo, interpretation, intonation, introductory phrase, irreversibility, issue, itemization, izzard, joint resolution, judgement, lapse, last, last breath, last gasp, last things, last trumpet, last words, latter end, lawmaking, legislation, legislature, liking, loyalty, lust, meaning, measure, mettlesomeness, mildew, mind, modulation, mold, motion, motive, movement, musical phrase, musical sentence, naturalization, nerviness, nisus, notion, oath, objective, obligation, obstinacy, omega, orchestration, order, ornament, outcome, oxidation, oxidization, parsing, part, pass, passage, passing, passion, passionateness, patience, patience of Job, payoff, period, permanence, peroration, perseverance, persistence, persistency, pertinaciousness, pertinacity, phrase, phrasing, plan, pleasure, pledge, plodding, pluckiness, plugging, point, precedent, precision, preoccupation, preparation, prognosis, progress, project, promise, pronouncement, proposal, proposition, prospectus, proximate analysis, purpose, purposefulness, quantitative analysis, quietus, ravages of time, re-formation, reason, reconversion, reduction, reduction to elements, refrain, relentlessness, request, resoluteness, resolve, resolving, response, resting place, result, reversal, riddling, ritornello, ruling, rust, sake, scansion, schematization, section, sedulity, sedulousness, segmentation, semimicroanalysis, sentence, separation, seriousness, setting, settlement, sexual desire, sharpness, shift, sincerity, single-mindedness, singleness of purpose, slogging, solution, solving, sorting out, spirit, spoilage, spunkiness, stability, stamina, stanza, statement, staunchness, staying power, steadfastness, steadiness, stick-to-itiveness, stoppage, stopping place, strain, striving, struggle, stubbornness, study, subdivision, suggestion, suspension, swan song, switch, switch-over, tailpiece, tenaciousness, tenacity, term, terminal, termination, terminus, terms, tirelessness, tone painting, transcription, transformation, transit, transition, turning into, tutti, tutti passage, unalterability, unchangeability, undertaking, unraveling, unremittingness, unriddling, unscrambling, unspinning, unswerving attention, untangling, untwisting, unweaving, upshot, variation, vehemence, velleity, verdict, verse, view, volition, volte-face, vow, warmth, wear, wear and tear, will, will power, windup, wish, word of honor, working, working-out, zeal  

one kind of jumped off the page.  PLEDGE  hmmm  i like this one.  kind of reminds of being a Girl Guide, pledges and such.

so i made a pledge to myself.  i realized that i needed to add some exercise into my day.  i knew that my BG's would be thankful.  i knew, too, that my emotions would thank me.  i would feel stronger, more self confident, i might even lose some weight.  overall, i would just feel better.

i pledged that i would get up that half hour earlier on monday, and head down to the basement.  i would dust off that treadmill and i would walk for 1/2 an hour.  i figured that if i stuck the ipod on and the earbuds in i could listen to 10 songs (an average 3min/song) and walk.  it would be easy peasy!!

so i went to bed on sunday night, fully pledged!  i set my alarm for 1/2 an hour earlier that i normally do, and i went to sleep fully prepared and pumped about my new pledge. 

and then it was monday morning and the alarm was buzzing away.  i hit the snooze button, saying to myself as i did it "i will walk for 25 minutes".  five minutes later i hit that snooze button again all the while saying "i will walk for 20 minutes."  this continued until about 45 minutes after i hit the button the first time.  each time i felt a little  more guilt.  and by the time i actually got up, it was too late to dust off that stupid treadmill.  

so now i am just totally disappointed with myself.  i couldn't even haul my ass out of bed once!!  not even once!!

so tonight when i go to bed, i will once again pledge to get up 1/2 an hour earlier than i normally would.  and tomorrow i will make it to the basement, sans earbuds and ipod and i will walk.

                               MY PLEDGE

i pledge...to haul my ass
    down the stairs and past the tass(imo)
 onto the treadmill i will climb
    and walk while singing,  i'll feel fine
       oh happy will by BG's be, my weight will drop
and hopefully
soon i'll feel like  a
 brand new me!
and that my friends is


**disclosure---i am not a poet, i do not claim to be a poet, and i do not make any money writing poetry!
have a nice day!!


Thursday, January 17, 2013

I feel like a number

Way back in 1978, Bob Seger released his album "Stranger in Town".  One of my favourite songs from that album was called "Feel like a number".  

Back then, having only had diabetes for 4 years, I didn't really understand how those words would affect me years later.  Those were the early years for me.  I was 16.  I didn't really care too much about complications that "may happen" someday down the road.  The glucose meters that we have today obviously weren't available.  In fact I didn't even have a meter back then!  It wasn't until 1983 that I bought my first meter and it was over $300.00.  But I digress.

The lyrics, really have nothing to do with diabetes, but the title of the song can sum up how a person with diabetes sometimes feels.

Numbers are a big part of a diabetics daily life.  Waking up and hoping for a good fasting number, trying to figure out the number of carbs in that toasted Everything bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese and bacon from Tim Hortons,  the number of units of insulin you are going to take to cover that delicious bagel.  The number of tests per day to keep a close eye on your numbers.  Trying to catch those low numbers and high numbersDoing everything we can to achieve that perfect A1c number.  Even things like blood pressure, cholesterol, tryglicerides, iron, protein, all have a number that we are striving to control, without perhaps even realizing it,  while we chase all those other numbers every day.

For too many years, I didn't give a crap about those numbers.  I think I've written about this before.  The years where I didn't test, I didn't think (or count) before I put something in my mouth.  The years I didn't care because I didn't think I would live long enough for those numbers to matter.

Thank goodness I finally realized I had far outlived what the first Doctor told my parents, and took a good look at the road ahead.   

When I first thought about getting an Insulin pump, my A1c had been somewhere around 11.  It had probably been there for quite some time.  That was just over 2 years ago. I started working hard at getting myself on track.  I began testing obsessively, eating better and taking the recommended medications in an effort to get approval for my pump. 

The 10th of January was the 2yr anniversary of my triple bypass surgery (more numbers!).  I went for some bloodwork for my upcoming appointment with my Nephrologist.

Today was my appointment.  I really like Dr. H.  He is a nice man, and he doesn't make you feel like he is "above" you.  He started the visit by asking how my Christmas was, and how I'd been feeling.  He wondered if I had had the nasty flu that is going around.  

We got around to the results of the bloodwork.  "Everything looks good" he tells me. 

"A1c 6.9, cholesterol good, protein levels good, iron levels good...."


A1c 6.9???  Did I just hear that??  OMG!!  That's the lowest it's ever been!!
That's the number I've been working so hard to get to!!!  I feel like I just won an Olympic Gold Medal!!


Today I feel like a number and it's 6.9!!
And I guess what makes it even better is that Dr. H looked at me, with my big stupid grin on my face and says,

"you can't ask for better than that!"  and his smile was as big as mine!!

It may have taken a really long time, and it may have been a big scary road filled with some pretty steep curves and rocky, jagged cliffs, but I have achieved a number I set my mind to reach over two and a half years ago.

And if I can do it, anyone can!